Holding Back

Before you read this entry: If the writing in this particular addition seems a little awkward, please forgive a father for protecting his kids.


When my ex and I decided to divorce, we had one child in kinder garden. This child kind of got lost in the shuffle and uncertainty of our domestic meltdown. Their reading skills weren't coming along well at all.

Near the end of that school year I got them enrolled with an after school "tutoring" company but, that didn't seem to help.

By the end of first grade things had not improved. The reading skills were sub-par and that was affecting everything else. I asked my ex to go with me to meet with the teacher. The teacher was willing to promote the child but, thought it best to hold them back.

I knew this decision was coming and had had the opportunity to think and pray about it for several weeks. If I held the child back, I was making sure they would be teased through the twelfth grade. If I insisted the child be promoted, there was a good chance we would be right back in the same spot the next year.

If I insisted the child be promoted was I condemning them to a frustrated educational experience for the rest of their life? Could it lead to the child eventually just giving up on school altogether?

While I was going through this decision making process I was also dealing with an issue with my house. The foundation was beginning to falter. I had to surround the house with soaker hoses and run them everyday for an hour. Apparently this process keeps the foundation wet enough so it doesn't get brittle and crack? I have no clue but, it's what the experts said to do. So I did it.

That's when it hit me. We were dealing with the child's educational foundation. If we didn't get it right, the foundation would falter and we could lose their entire education. That was an unacceptable risk.

The toughest decisions are often simple. Not easy, but simple.

When I put it in those terms to mom, she relented. We took the kids to Chuck-E-Cheese. We played and had some fun. We explained the decision to the child. We comforted, ate pizza and played some more.

Did the kid get teased? Yup. Do they still get teased? Yup.

This child of mine just finished eighth grade. Making the honor roll is their norm since the second time through first grade. Reading was the big hurdle. This kid has the reading comprehension level of a sophomore in college. (Which presents its own problems) Not only is the child a excellent reader but, also a gifted writer. I would not be surprised at all to see them make writing their vocation.

Yesterday, I heard an attorney say, "ten thousand hours of practice will achieve competence." That's five years of forty hour work weeks.

Does it really take that much? I don't know but, I do know that this lesson of holding back, slowing down and making sure something is mastered before moving on has blessed our lives immensely.

That's my view from here.