"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise) 'That it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.'"
Ephesians 6:1-3
I don't like to harp on my kids about this verse but, I have joked with them a number of times. "Do you see the veiled threat? If you don't listen to me it may not go so well for you and you might not live that long!"
In a healthy family, mom is teaching the kids to respect dad and each other. Dad is teaching the kids to respect mom and each other. Sometimes one or more of the kids will cross the line and there will be consequences. Then everyday living pretty much goes back to normal.
In a single parent home there is a vital cog missing in the wheel. The machine is broken. It wasn't designed to work this way. Adjustments have to be made.
I just couldn't see myself telling my kids, "I'm your father. You have to honor me by doing what I say. God commands it, right here. See?" So, I chose to pray this verse over my kids a lot. I also explained to them over and over and over and... (you get the idea) that there are three of them and only one of me. We don't have time for me to explain and argue over things I ask them to do. None of us will get anything done. Or anything we want. They just have to do it. "If something is really bothering you, come talk to me when we aren't pressed for time and we'll discuss it. We may even negotiate. But don't try to stand there and argue with me when I ask you to sweep the floor, or do the dishes, or do your homework before you go out to play. If you do that, then, no matter how good your argument is, you won't get the outcome you desire."
I often shorten this to: "Do what dad tells you to do the first time every time."
I've tried to explain to them, with varying success with each child, that I am not trying to be a dictatorial tyrant - although it is tempting! We simply need to get things done.
When we have disagreements, I will explain my position and they can tell me theirs. On occasion, I have been persuaded to change mine. They have often been persuaded to change theirs. Sometimes, we negotiate a third option.
Because they are human and kids, sometimes they completely reject all rational and reasonable arguments because they just want their way. And I have to call them on it. These times are not fun. Just necessary. I've had them call me on this, as well. At these times I've had to decide, do I want my way or do I want to teach these kids how to be decent human beings? Most of the time I've chosen the latter.
All in all we've had a fairly peaceful life together.
God designed the family to function at its best with two parents in the home who are united in their methods for achieving the common goal of healthy children becoming quality adults. When one of these adults is missing, reaching that goal becomes more difficult but, not impossible.
I have done everything I know to do to get my kids to the goal. And it seems like very day I am confronted with my own ignorance and inadequacies as a parent. And I am consistently amazed at the ability of God's grace to make up the difference.
That's my view from here.
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