Only You

Your body suddenly becoming curvy is only about one third of the puberty challenge for girls. The physical changes that occur internally are even more dramatic, create greater challenges, require more discipline and demand far more responsibility.

The simple truth is, if a boy gets his girlfriend pregnant, even if he takes responsibility, he doesn't carry the child inside of him. His already turbulent emotions don't get even more out of wack. And the child doesn't become completely dependent on him twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for the foreseeable future. The young lady has to deal with all of these things and more.

Wanting to do everything within my power to help my daughter avoid these life circumstances, I gave her the same "responsible sex" speech as I did my oldest son and much more.


I went on to explain: "Boys are dogs. The will tell you anything they have to in order to get your clothes off." I told her, "Make no mistake. Any boy who wants to get you into bed before you are married is lying to you. Girls play at sex to be loved. Boys play at love to get laid. Period."

I've given her this speech so many times that I believe she has it memorized. Did I lay it on thick? Absolutely. Do I really believe that speech? Really?

Yup.

Once I was sure that the message about boys had gotten across, I went to phase two.

I've made it clear that I've taught her right from wrong. I've laid out the wise path to follow in life. If she chooses to travel a different path, she has every right to do that. But, I've spent my entire early adult life raising my children. I will not spend my middle years raising hers. (Or any children my boys may produce)

Is that harsh? Yes. Is that a lot of responsibility to place on a teenage girl? Of course. Is it anywhere near as harsh or heavy a responsibility as the real life of a teenage mom?

Nope.

My goal is clear: I want my children and my grandchildren to have the best start possible in their lives. Making sure they are fully aware of the harshness of the consequences of certain choices is a tremendous deterrent. Our entire culture is telling them how much fun sex is. And it is. But, they completely downplay the consequences.

The problem is that the consequences are lifelong.

I must find a way to counter the propaganda.

I reserved covering STD's for a separate conversation in which I was just as open.

I've also tried to provide a contrasting vision.

 Imagine your wedding night. You and your new husband have a gift for each other. You've reserved this part of yourself for him alone. He's reserved this part of himself for you alone. You go into this part of your relationship with no regrets, not baggage (emotional or physical), you can both relax and be open and trusting with each other. And you can both enjoy the learning process because you are already committed, for life, to the relationship.

I've been pretty intense in today's blog, because it is reflective of how I've dealt with this issue with my daughter. Is it the best way to approach it? I don't know. It is the best that I could think of. This is the first time I've guided a young lady through puberty. As far as I know, up to this point it has worked.

Whether it "works" to the fulfilling of the vision I've presented has yet to be seen. But, it happens every day in America. Why shouldn't I strive to see it happen for my children?

If, for whatever reason, their lives do not turn out this way I know that I've done all I could do. And I am able to sleep at night.

That's my view from here.