Exhaustion

For many Americans exhaustion seems to be the lifestyle of choice. For the single parent there isn't much of a choice. Things need to be done on there is only one person in the home who can do them. It doesn't matter how tired the single parent is; the kids still need baths, homework still needs to be checked, and there are still no clothes for school or work tomorrow.

Seems like it happens every month.

When I first started this thing, I would make a schedule and start following it. Then homework would take longer than I thought, one (or more, arghhh!) of the kids would be having a bad day and they seemed to moving in reverse. The more I'd try to rush them the slower they'd go. Things wouldn't get done. "That's OK," I say, "I'll get it tomorrow."

The next day I'd find out there was something I'd forgotten to put on the schedule. Everything would be thrown out of whack. "I'll get up an hour earlier tomorrow and get some chores done while I'm praying, before the kids wake up." Was usually my solution.

By the end of the week undone projects were everywhere. I'd feel guilty because there was so much left undone. I was red-eyed and exhausted. On Saturday I couldn't sleep in because the kids would wake up at the normal time for breakfast and school. Sunday was church. No sleeping in. Then it was time to prepare for the week.

I've already discussed how I had to cut out most of my extra-curricular activities and bring each of the kids down to one.

This was a huge help.

I had to learn that the kids could be healthy without being involved in every league, troop, and function out there.

I also had to learn that God could save the world without me. The latter was much harder for me to take.

These two things took us a long way down the road to sanity.

After that I had to get creative. I decided that, no matter how much it bothered me, big, time consuming projects would have to wait until the weekend. Some had to wait for weekends the kids would be at their mother's. No exceptions.

Here are some of the smaller tricks I've used.

I would do two loads of laundry every night. I could start one right before I started making dinner. I'd have that load in the dryer and another in the washer before dinner was over.

I learned that I could start the dishwasher (thank God for dishwashers!) at bedtime and they'd be dry when I woke up in the morning and I could put them away before the kids were ready for breakfast. And if I didn't put them away there wasn't a mess sitting there in front of my face.

I started having the kids do their homework either right after school or right after a small snack. That way I could check it before dinner.

But the best lesson I learned on how to deal with exhaustion is to admit that I was worn out. I would tell the kids, "Guys, Dad is really tired. I need some rest. After dinner I need you to just relax and do something quietly in you rooms. You can read. You can draw or color. You can do a puzzle.  What is important is that you leave each other alone (cuts down on the fighting and volume) and let Dad rest."

I was pleasantly surprised that, most of the time, they would respect this.

I would get a couple of extra hours of down time and I could find the strength to make it to their mother's weekend.

As a single parent, the frailness of my humanity is exposed in very uncomfortable ways. No matter how strong I try to be, I am simply not able to do the jobs a two parent household requires.

For me, admitting I couldn't do it all was vital to the children and I healing and learning to live a healthy lifestyle. As always, God's grace is greater than my own weaknesses.

That's my view from here.