Loneliness

For the first few years of being a single parent, my life was pretty hectic. Sometimes by choice, sometimes by necessity but, life seemed to always be moving at a frenetic pace. The majority of the time I liked it that way. As long as I kept moving I didn't have to deal with the wide range of emotions the grieving process brings.

No matter how hard I tried, the on emotion I could not escape was loneliness.

I've met plenty of Christians who claim that no Christian should ever be lonely because we have the presence of the Holy Spirit. My answer hasn't changed one  syllable in years. Adam had the presence of God in the complete absence of sin and God Himself said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." I believe God made us to live in relationship, both with himself and each other. Marriage is the first institution God established on earth. We are hard wired for it.

So, I believe it is normal and healthy to experience loneliness, at times.

Dean, are you saying that there are times when Jesus isn't enough?

Yup.

I found a couple of times when I am especially susceptible. Bedtime at the end of a particularly stressful day. And Saturday afternoons, going into evening, on weekends when the kids are at their mother's house.

I can still remember the first few times this last one happened to me. On Friday I dropped the kids off with their mom and rushed home. The peace and quiet of the empty house was wonderful. Mentally and emotionally, it felt like I was sinking into a huge feather bed. I luxuriated in the silence and calm. I might pray, spend some time in worship, maybe a little house cleaning. But, mostly, I would just enjoy not having to chase kids, referee, entertain, change diapers, give baths, etc.

But, right about four o'clock on Saturday afternoon, I would start to get this sensation that something was wrong. Like it was too quiet.

And there was no one to interact with.

Nothing to do.

By eight o'clock I'd be completely depressed and I'd have no idea how I got there or why.

It took a few of these episodes before I figured out what was going on. I started making plans. Dinner with friends, fellowship groups, walks in the woods, etc.

The end of a stressful day has a much shorter duration and can easily be compensated for. For the weekend scenario is a different story.    

The most difficult scenario is the end of a stressful week, the kids are at their mother's house and there's no money in the budget to go do anything. That's when the walls can really start to close in. I like to have several options.

Obviously, my first option is music. Sitting down with my guitar or at the piano are very therapeutic for me. Other than God and my kids, music is the great passion of my life. Another, although lesser, passion of mine is reading. But, not just reading, reading to learn about how to live this life in a quality way. I've read biographies  about Albert Einstein, Walt Disney, Benjamin Franklin, Charles Finney, Smith Wigglesworth and others. I also enjoy good fiction. I've read Charles Dickens, Wendell Berry, Leo Tolstoy, Mark Twain, Elie Wiesel and many more.

I also read a lot of theology and Christian teaching. Rick Joyner, Phillip Yancey and Eugene Peterson are some of the authors I've read multiple books from.

The point is, that I try to be prepared for these times with multiple choices of possible solutions to fit the mood I'm in when they arrive.

I believe that, because I'm prepared, the lonely times are much more bearable. And I am much more sane that I would be otherwise.

That's my view from here.