An interesting thing about the organization that took my oldest son to Australia and New Zealand is that his siblings are automatically invited to participate as soon as they meet the age requirement. So, four years later, my daughter was invited.
To Greece and Italy.
At the bargain basement price of seven grand.
We had learned a little from the time my oldest had gone, so we did things a little differently. The first thing that was different was that she had to "earn" her way. I took her with me for my business to try to get some new accounts. Every new account she helped me get she would get the full sales commission. She also set up sales parties for an upscale kitchen utensil company. She did a great job for that company. She made somewhere between six hundred and one thousand dollars.
She had to come with me to go through the passport application process. We made her study Greece and Italy. She learned to read, write and speak some Italian. I even took her to a couple of Orthodox churches so she could understand the culture. (She told me she was the only one in the group who knew how to enter and Orthodox church properly)
We bought clothes, suitcases, talked about budgeting money, drilled her on the rules and the consequences if she broke them, talked about budgeting money, drilled her on the rules...you get the idea.
A few days before they were to fly to Greece, that country had a massive earthquake. It devastated a large part of the country. She got a little nervous.
Then the day came and I had to let my daughter go to Europe.
Without me there to protect her.
For three weeks.
I thought my experience with my oldest had prepared me.
It hadn't.
It was every bit as tough, and then some, to let my little girl get on that plane.
The day they landed, Greece had another large earth quake. It put the whole group a little on edge. They decided to move the groups day long hiking trip on one of the local volcanoes to one day sooner. The hope was to let the kids work off some of the nervous energy.
While they were on the volcano - it erupted!
None of them were ever in danger but, they did have to hike through some smoke at times. I don't think any of them will ever take Mother Nature for granted.
The day they were scheduled to return we all went to the airport to welcome her home. She was excited to see everybody. She had a million things to tell us and she wanted to go out to eat.
What I was not expecting:
My thirteen year old daughter went to Europe as my little girl. In her mind, she'd spent three weeks living "on her own" and she'd done well. As far as she was concerned, she was ready to be an adult.
The person that returned was demanding "independence". She didn't understand why she wasn't allowed to do everything her older brother was allowed to do. The fact that he was four years older than her simply was not acceptable to her as an explanation.
She had gone through the "rite of passage". Why was I still holding her back? She was in the throws of female adolescence and I had no grid for handling it.
I needed help.
The good news was, I knew I needed help.
I reached out to her mother. I reached out to counselors for both my daughter and myself. I talked with older friends who had children who had already gone through this period. I seemed to get one answer and one answer only: You just have to wait it out.
Half way through the next school year it was obvious. I could admit defeat or I could risk losing my daughter - forever.
I admitted defeat. She moved in with her mother.
Our relationship was still very difficult but, we weren't in each other's faces day in and day out.
I still don't have any answers but, recently she had her own encounter with the Lord. Since that time there is a marked difference in her attitude, behavior and our relationship.
I don't understand why it took an intense experience with God to want a life not ruled by tension and chaos. I do know that I've never been able to understand the opposite sex. What matters is that she's walking with the Lord.
I agree with Mr. Miagi: "Boys are much easier."
I learned the hard way that adulthood is not something to be rushed into. I don't want that for my kids. But, I've learned that all I can do is explain my case to them and set down rules to protect them. Their motivations are completely their own. My kids have their own wills and they will use them.
Adolescence is not something to be rushed into either. But, I can't control their biology. Once it hits I only know one prayer:
Lord, have mercy on us.
That's my view from here.
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