Continuous Change

It is uncomfortable for me to talk about guiding my daughter through puberty for several reasons. One, she is uncomfortable with me talking about it. Two, I am uncomfortable thinking about my "little girl" and "sex". Thirdly, she's only half way through the journey. We've survived - but, only to this point. We have a long way to go. There are still plenty of major mistakes that we can make. And some mistakes have very long lasting consequences.

Near the end of fourth grade, my daughter started having problems at school. Not with grades but, suddenly a number of girls were picking on her. I tried to help her through it but, I didn't have a lot to offer. At that age, if some one picked on me too much, I'd just punch them in the mouth. That usually took care of it. That's not the type of advice a good Christian man is supposed to give his daughter (but it did cross my mind). Praying didn't seem to help, either.

One day, she forgot her homework. when I took it in to school, I asked to walk it back myself so I could see her. Yes, it embarrassed her to have her father be seen in her classroom. The second I walked into the room I saw what the problem was.

All the other little girls still looked pretty much like the little boys. My daughter was already looking like a young lady. In my world, being able to define a problem is half the battle. Once you are able to clearly define the problem, finding the solution becomes much easier.

My world had just been turned upside down.

I had no idea how to tell my daughter, "The girls in your class are mad at you because you have breasts - they don't." I knew this had to be done tactfully. Not one of my strengths. I did not want her to be ashamed of her body. (Our culture already does a great job of this on our women) I also did not want her to realize, yet, that her body could be used as a tool when dealing with the opposite sex or as a weapon to be used against other girls. The more I pondered the problem the more I could see that this field was filled with land mines. How was I going to navigate through it?

Then I had a perfect solution. A revelation from heaven!

Call her mother!


I called her mother and explained the situation. Mom came over and took her out for ice cream. Just the two of them. I have no idea what they talked about. When I asked my daughter I was given vagaries. I was more than happy not to push the issue. But, I do know it was taken care of.

I realize that not every single parent can turn to their former spouse for help. Some simply are not there. Some would do more harm than good. Maybe someone from church, the Big Brothers and Big Sisters or some other mentoring program, or another family member could be helpful.

While my ex and I disagree on many things, I know that she loves our children. She would never tell our daughter something that would encourage her to compromise herself in any way.

That blesses all of us.

 And it helps us to live at peace with one another despite our circumstances.

That's my view from here.